Advice for Parents about Homesickness

Facts

• Mild homesickness is normal, severe homesickness is very rare.
• Campers who are most likely to experience intense homesickness are those who:
  • Have never spent time away from home before
  • Feel as if they cannot trust other people
  • Are worried about spending time away from home
  • Think that camp is going to be an unpleasant experience
  • Feel forced in any way to go away to camp

The best ways to prevent homesickness:

1. Include your child in planning for camp – Your child is more likely to get homesick if they feel they are being forced to go to camp. Let them be part of the decision making process.
   
2. Talk with your child about homesickness – Take time out to be alone with your child in the months before camp and talk about homesickness together. Talking about homesickness together can only make it easier for your child. For some children it helps to have family photos to look at, so it is a good idea to pack a few.
   
3. Plan for camp – Show your child when camp starts, how long it lasts, and when you will pick them up. The fewer surprises the less nervous the whole family will be. Help your child put time into perspective by “referencing time.” Refer your child to a time of similar length, for example a winter break.
   
4. Keep doubts to yourself – Try not to say things that will make your child worry about how you’ll feel when she’s away at camp. It is better to say things like, “Of course I’ll miss you, because I love you. But I know you’ll have a great time at camp,” than to say, “I don’t know what I’m going to do while you’re gone. I’m going to miss you so much.” The first sentence is very positive, however the second one gives your child something to worry about. Your vote of confidence will mean a lot to her.
   
5. Have practice time away from home – A long weekend at a friend’s house, a stay with grandparents, or a one night sleep over can help prepare your child for being away from home. The key to this practice time is to make it as real as possible. This means, for example not talking on the phone.
   
6. Be truthful – Hiding a move or separation from your child and then doing it behind her back while she is at camp can be devastating. Parents who do this have good intentions. They think they are shielding their kids from stress. However, when the kids return home, they are shocked with the new living situation. Worse, they become mistrustful of their parents and will fear spending time away from home.
   
7. Send your child a letter at camp before the first day – Getting mail makes kids feel loved and remembered. Personal letters renew the connection with home. It’s especially wonderful to receive mail on the first day of camp. You can arrange this either by mailing the letter a few days early or by giving it directly to the program director. The program director can then make sure it is included in mail call on the first day.
   
8. Do NOT make deals about early pick-ups – It is normal for kids (especially first year campers) to feel nervous and excited as camp approaches. Some well- meaning parents will try to comfort their child by saying, “If you’re still feeling homesick after four days, I’ll come to camp and pick you up.” This promise almost guarantees the child will get homesick. This also carries the message that you do not believe your child is capable of making it through camp. Please do not promise phone calls, as no camper is allowed the use of a phone.

While your child is at camp:

1. Send lots of encouraging cards and letters. However in these letters please do not write things such as, “Don’t you miss me? I miss you so much I don’t know what to do.” After reading this, the child will begin to dwell on your unhappiness and will be unable to focus on having a good time herself.
   
2. Send a few care packages. Sending a package everyday is really not necessary.
   
3. If you receive a sad letter from your child, please do not immediately jump into your car and head for camp. Realize that several days have gone by since your child wrote the letter and chances are the problem or feelings have passed. Feel free to call the program director to check on your daughter.
   
4. If your child’s dog, cat, fish, turtle or other pet dies while they are away at camp, please wait until your child returns home to tell them. Please do NOT write it in a letter.
   
5. Check out the photos on our web page. When you write, tell your child how happy you are that they have the opportunity to be at camp with such fun activities and that when you visualize her at camp, it makes you happy to think about all of the fun she is having.
   
6. Tell yourself that your daughter is at one of the most special places on earth, making friends, having fun, and learning independence.

Acknowledgement: “The Summer Camp Handbook” by Christopher A. Thurber and Jon C. Malinowshi.